he thought i was a dude.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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