Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
my shit smells like andre
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
