Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
