I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
