I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
