She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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