You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
