On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
