My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize