Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
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While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
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She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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