i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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