Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
