Her vagina should come with caution tape.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
