Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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