The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
