Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
