she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
