I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
