the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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