Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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