White coat. Heels.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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