You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
