Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
