I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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