you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
