Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
