I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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