still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
