the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
