so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
