....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
