i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
