Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize