Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
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I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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