his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize