So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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