Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
You can't motorboat a personality
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just want nice things and good sex
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize