Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
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After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
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You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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