I puked a lego.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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