I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize