I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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