I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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