I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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