Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
There are leaves in my underwear?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
