youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
