he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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