I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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