My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
