whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Randomize
