So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
