if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
