It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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