I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
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Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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