what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
