so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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