she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
