the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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