talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i love accidental penises.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Randomize
