the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
