Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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