I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
