We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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