woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
