i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Randomize
