you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
