so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
