Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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