If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
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After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
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I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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