What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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