Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
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