# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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