i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
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he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
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Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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