Define "chronic" masturbator.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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