Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
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she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
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It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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