just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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