is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
