i just google imaged poop.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
