ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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