It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
